“When I was struggling with depression, my days would appear grey and shadowed. I would drown myself in tears every day for no reason. The happiest word in the dictionary could also change into a stab and wound my heart. Depression made it difficult for me to breathe. It was becoming impossible to stay alive and kicking. I vacillated between despair for life and the desire to live. When my son was around, I would try my best to stay normal. Staying normal meant not crying at that time – not while I was in front of him. I put on a façade of happiness for him. The gloom inside stayed intact.
The strange part was that all this while I knew it was a chemical imbalance. I knew that I had to do something about it. My conscious mind would cleverly catalogue the day. While my emotions played havoc with me, my intellect noted my motions and responses. I knew I need to get help. In the midst of such hopelessness, I somehow gathered the courage to visit a psychiatrist on my own. I sorted out an appointment and dragged myself to his office. He was astonished that I had recognized my illness for what it was. He said that the courage I had shown in making the trip to his office on my own proved that I had the capacity to beat this condition. His assurances went a long way in calming me and making me realize that I could, in fact, beat depression.
I had had a bee in my bonnet about moving to Bengaluru for some time, because I was familiar with the city. My family, especially my father, was not so enamoured of the idea and opposed it vehemently. I withstood the opposition; I was determined about this change. My husband neither supported nor opposed my decision. He stayed back, only to follow me after 6 months.
As I had hoped, a change in my surroundings filled me with hope and optimism. I dove deep within my soul to find my real calling and realized that It was astrology and teaching. I explored the world of stars and planets and started doing professional readings. My predictions were in sync with modern times which made me stand apart from my contemporaries. My client base grew and I felt content in helping people find solutions to various life issues. Joining pre-school for toddlers as a teacher was another sound decision I made. The children’s innocence and love healed me from within. I also enrolled myself in higher studies to study more about psychology as a subject.
In a way, depression helped me re-create my life. It made me strong. I doubt I would have found my passion without going through depression.”